I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
