The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
