I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
