Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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