New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I love having hate sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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