I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
