my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its liver damage thursday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
