I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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