hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dignity is for republicans.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
