I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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