Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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