i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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