It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
