Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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