i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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