How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
