He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
