So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
