tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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