You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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