I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
