if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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