Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
