I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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