Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
