If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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