I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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