I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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