when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
