Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
