his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
