Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
