I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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