well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
