thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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