): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we should paint friendship bongs
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