I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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