I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
