If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
