Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
