Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize