I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Michael Bay diarrhea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
