I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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