It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
