Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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