Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
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