Having a random hookup so left but love u
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize