you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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