So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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