You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
