I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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