1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
