You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
