You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
