Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
