Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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