i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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