dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
