he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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