I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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