I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
