Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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