k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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