I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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