you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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