i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
