morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
