if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Even the bartender felt bad for me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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