those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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