I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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