She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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