her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
