he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
