I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
