On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
