he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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