Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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