I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
People in love make me want to vomit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
