my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
