I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
